Title: Coming to Terms, part II
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Characters: Yami no Yuugi (Atemu)/ Mutou Yuugi
Prompt: #72, Fixed
Word Count: 7.814
Rating: PG for some shounen-ai.
Summary: After coming home from the hospital, Atemu has difficulties adjusting to the changes in their relationship, straining it even more. He and Yuugi both have to find a different definition of how they can be together in an equal balance, now that the previous dynamics have been altered.
Author's Notes: AU, end of series 'fix-it'. Some angst.
The rice cooker chimed and the laundry machine grinded to a halt at the same second the phone started ringing loudly. Yuugi quickly turned off the cooker, grabbed the phone while walking over to the laundry machine, stabbed the 'release' button and said: "Moshi moshi?"
"Hey Yuugi, it's me!"
"Jounouchi-kun!" Yuugi exclaimed loudly as he opened the door of the laundry machine. Wow, that new fabric softener really did smell like peach, just as the advertisement had promised!
"How are you? Do you need any help?"
"Not at the moment, no," Yuugi said, chipper. The laundry could wait for another few minutes while he finished dinner, the rice was already done. His grandfather and mother weren't at home tonight, so he could eat with the plate on his lap in front of the TV instead of setting the table. He was glad for his friend's offer, though.
It warmed his heart how everyone had spontaneously offered to help, as Yuugi had been overwhelmed to the point of shock, the very first days after Atemu's accident. It became painstakingly obvious how much the former Pharaoh did around the house, even Yuugi's mother was thrown off balance. It had taken them ages to find the insurance papers, digging through Atemu's neatly organized archive; however, he had filed everything in Ancient Egyptian alphabetical order instead of Japanese.
Anzu had helped out with cleaning and cooking, while Jounouchi's sister Shizuka had supplied him with unlimited amounts of cakes and cookies. She was great at baking and it was her own affectionate way of showing support. Jounouchi had taken care of chores around the house while Otogi had assisted with the bookkeeping and the business administration, helping grandfather out in the GameShop. Otogi had also insisted that Yuugi should stay home for as long as it took; he wouldn't want Yuugi to start his job when he was under so much stress.
"It's very kind of you to offer," Yuugi continued. He had surprised himself and his friends, juggling visits to Atemu in the hospital, helping out in the GameShop and in the household. He might fall asleep deadly tired every night, but he certainly wasn't as helpless as he had envisioned himself to be. It hadn't been without a struggle, though. He wouldn't have made it this far without the selfless help of his friends.
"Just checking up on you," Jounouchi said. "I don't want you to be all stressed out when your boyfriend comes home."
Yuugi nodded, even though Jounouchi couldn't see it. There was a small calendar next to the phone, the days meticulously crossed off. It had been weeks, but Yuugi had adjusted the calendar daily, sometimes crying. It had been very lonesome weeks.
"Tomorrow is the big day, he'll be released from the hospital," he said, tapping at the calendar, the exact day circled with large, black exclamation marks.
"I'm sure he'll be very happy to be out of there," Jounouchi said. He had a love/hate relationship with hospitals; when his sister was younger, she had to undergo risky eye surgery and he had hated all the doctors for putting her through so much pain. Now that he was older, and studying to become a pediatrician himself, the Domino City hospital was common grounds for him.
"If not the doctors and the staff," Yuugi chuckled softly. "You know him, mou hitori no boku can be very difficult."
"Very difficult indeed, I don't know how why you're still keeping him around," Jounouchi quipped in return.
"I'm so excited!" Yuugi said, and he really felt excited. After all those long, lonesome weeks, he would finally hold the man he loved so much, close again. Atemu would lie next to him again, holding him in his arms, and they would kiss and cuddle, and talk and watch TV together; the simplest things, not being bothered by visiting hours and hospital beds anymore.
"We're all glad that he's getting out of there," Jounouchi said truthfully. Everyone had been in shock after hearing the news of Atemu's accident. It was a harsh reminder of how fragile life was, how happiness and love could be destroyed in just mere seconds. Yuugi was forever grateful that his lover had 'only' ended up with a broken leg, albeit a complicated fractured one. Doctor Satsumori was right, it could've been so much worse. "So when he gets home, you're going to throw a party or what?"
"No, no party," Yuugi had to laugh. "We're going to spend the rest of the afternoon just with the two of us."
"Boring, but understandable," Jounouchi said. "Well, let us know when we're welcome to visit you at home, and if there's something we can do!"
"You've done more than enough, thank you so much," Yuugi said, genuinely grateful. "I'll call you later, Jounouchi-kun."
"Ready?" Mutou Sugoroku waited at the door, together with Yuugi's mother. They were both smiling brightly, excited to bring Atemu home. No more rides to the hospital after today which was a huge relief; nobody liked spending time at the hospital and as soon as Atemu got home, they hoped not to return for a long, long time. Yuugi had no doubt that Atemu was counting the seconds for them to arrive, so he made sure to leave early.
"Let's go," Yuugi said and held the door open for his elder family members. He felt light-hearted from happiness; finally, Atemu was coming home! He wanted to sing out loud and he chattered about nonsensical things on the way to the hospital. His mother and grandfather shared his good spirit; before they knew it, they had arrived at the large building, with plenty of time to spare.
Yuugi knew his way around and went immediately to the elevators. His stomach was tumbling around, his heart beating with anticipation and joy. He'd been looking forward to this day so much, and now it was finally here! He walked so fast that his grandfather and mother didn't even bother to keep up with him. Yuugi arrived at Atemu's room; the door was slightly ajar and Yuugi pushed it further open, a bright smile on his face. In another few seconds he was at the bed, not surprised to find Atemu sitting on it, all dressed and ready to leave. No words were exchanged, just a firm, intense hug; they clung to each other like a lost lifeline. Yuugi sighed blissfully as he felt Atemu's lips on his own.
"Mou hitori no boku, you're finally coming home with me," he said.
"Not a moment too soon," Atemu grumbled. Yuugi looked up at him, noticing the paleness on the former Pharaoh's face and his strained expression.
"Are you all right?"
"I did not sleep too well last night." Atemu shrugged. "I just want to leave, aibou."
Yuugi nodded, but didn't let go of him yet. Finally he broke up the hug, frowning.
"You lost weight, mou hitori no boku." It was out of his mouth before he realized it.
"I have not," Atemu was quick to deny and the rest of his answer was cut off as Yuugi's grandfather and mother swept into the room, along with doctor Satsumori. Behind them, a nurse followed with a wheelchair, riding it up to the hospital bed.
"We have to thank doctor Satsumori before we leave," Mutou Sugoroku said. The doctor was responsible for the surgery on Atemu's broken leg and had supervised the healing process. Due to the complicated nature of the fracture, Atemu had to stay longer in the hospital than anyone with a 'regular' broken leg.
The doctor, with his inseparable clipboard, nodded. "You'll have to keep yourself strictly to the prescribed physiotherapy, exercises and rest," he said. "And don't be too impatient, Mutou-san. Like I mentioned before, it's going to take some time to heal. In the meantime, I advise you to use this." He nodded to the wheelchair, and was unimpressed with Atemu's deadly glare at it.
"I will not sit in one of those contraptions."
"Mou hitori no boku,' Yuugi said softly, out of earshot of the doctor. "Please obey him for once, would you?"
Atemu crossed his arms in front of his chest and seemed to sulk. He knew he couldn't stand on his foot yet, let alone use his leg to walk. He had no choice, but Yuugi understood his dilemma. They didn't have time to sulk around; Yuugi wanted to go home and spend time with Atemu, quality time together after being separated for so long. He took Atemu at the elbow and gently, yet with a little pressure, helped him to get off of the bed. The nurse pushed the wheelchair a little closer.
"Careful, careful," Yuugi admonished him as Atemu sat down, an embarrassed and uncomfortable look on his face. They said their thanks and goodbyes to doctor Satsumori, and rolled Atemu out of the room. Grandfather carried the bag with Atemu's belongings as they went back to the car.
"What a hassle," Atemu said when he was helped into the car, and Yuugi started to fold up the wheelchair.
"It's all right, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi said. "It's just temporary."
"You can leave that thing here," Atemu stared at the wheelchair as if he could blast it into a million pieces just by looking at it. "I am not going to use it."
"Yes you will," Yuugi said and a little bit of frustration crept into his voice. Why was the other being so difficult? "You can't walk around on your leg right now, mou hitori no boku. Do as the doctor says. You'll be on crutches soon enough."
Atemu was silent, perhaps offended, but Yuugi didn't notice as he was too busy putting the wheelchair in the back of the car and making sure that everyone was seated and buckled down before they could leave.
The GameShop had always been a quaint building. It was very colorful on the outside, and much bigger on the inside than anyone would think. The store and the stock room were located on the ground floor, and the living quarters and bedrooms on the first and second floor. Yuugi's grandfather had been immediately in love with the unconventional layout of the house and Yuugi didn't know any better. Now the stairs were going to pose a problem, he was afraid.
"Fortunately, you have to go upstairs only once," grandfather mentioned as he helped Atemu inside the building. Yuugi's mother had taken the bag with Atemu's clothing and belongings.
"I will go back to work as soon as possible," the former Pharaoh said curtly.
"No you won't, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi immediately answered. "You know what Satsumori-sama said. You're going to rest and keep yourself to his schedule."
"Aibou, I think I have had enough rest for now." There was definitely a hint of irritation in his voice, but Yuugi chose to ignore it for now.
"All right, upstairs we go," he said. "Slow and easy, step by step."
It took them forever, as Atemu had to lean heavily on Yuugi, shifting his weight from time to time and trying to withstand the pain with every movement. He had to lift up his injured and fully cast leg for the next step, and then hoisting his body weight up… it went slow and awkward and it was painful. Yuugi supported him as much as he could, gently coaxing Atemu to continue. When they were finally upstairs, Atemu wasn't the only one panting from the exertion.
"Let's get you into the living room," Yuugi said. He had the faint suspicion that Atemu wasn't going to appreciate being put to bed, so soon after leaving the hospital. And well, he was looking forward to some tea...
Yuugi had told Jounouchi that there wasn't going to be a party, but he hadn't counted on his mother. She had invited everyone over for tea to celebrate the occasion. Shizuka had whipped up another batch of delicious cupcakes, muffins and assorted pastries, and Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu and Otogi had brought gifts, cards and flowers. Atemu was delighted to accept them, thanking everyone for their visits when he was in the hospital. Grandfather had closed the GameShop for the occasion, enjoying the mini-celebration and all the tea and delicious snacks. Yuugi simply couldn't find himself upset with his mother despite his initial plan to spend quality time with Atemu alone. Instead, he happily mingled with his friends, thanking them once more for their support.
It had only been an hour and a half, but Yuugi could see how exhausted Atemu was. The ride home from the hospital and walking up the stairs had taken an extreme toll on his body. He could see it in his posture; Atemu always sat up straight, but now he was sitting slouched, almost in a hunched position, with a cushion supporting his back. His face was still pale, except for some unhealthy red spots on his cheeks. Yuugi settled down on the sofa next to him.
"You're tired, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi said. "Let's get you to the bedroom, all right?"
"It is just the middle of the day, aibou," Atemu protested, but not as vehement as he could be.
"You should really rest, Atemu-kun," Anzu sipped her tea, "we were here to see you return home safely, and now that we know you are, you should keep yourself to what the doctor ordered you to do."
Atemu nodded, but reluctantly. Yuugi handed him one of the crutches they had taken along with the wheelchair from the hospital. Yuugi helped him to get up.
"Rest up," Jounouchi said, another muffin in his hand. "Don't worry, we'll be bothering you with visits more than enough!"
"Thank you," Atemu said, genuinely glad to be at home and see his friends again. Yuugi ushered him out of the living room after saying goodbye to everyone. He turned towards the stairs leading to the attic, but Yuugi shook his head.
"No, that would be way too impractical," he said. Yuugi's bedroom was in the attic and didn't have an adjacent bathroom. The guestroom did, and so he guided Atemu towards it. "Don't worry, I brought your favorite books down so you can read. Climbing up and down the stairs is a good exercise for later, but for now you need to rest, remember?"
Atemu heaved an exasperated sigh. "For now," he repeated, not sounding very happy.
"Mou hitori no boku, you need to lean on me," Yuugi said at Atemu was awkwardly trying to maintain his balance, seeking support as he leaned against the wall. He wasn't using the crutch correctly.
"I can handle it," Atemu answered, voice strained.
"That's not what I mean," Yuugi said, frowning. He wrapped his arm around Atemu's waist to support him as they shuffled towards the guestroom. A nauseous feeling settled in Yuugi's gut. The last few weeks, despite everything being so hectic, he had been able to think. About himself, about Atemu, about their relationship. The guilt that weighed on him was still crushing him; had he been responsible for Atemu's accident, as they had departed in anger? Yuugi had been thinking a lot in the early mornings, when he woke up in an empty bed, so cold and alone.
He hadn't dared to brush the subject with his mother, his grandfather or even his friends. It wasn't really fair, as he knew he could count on a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. No one would judge or condemn him, still he felt like... some kind of traitor. He had grown so much in so little time, he didn't want to go back to being dependant. There was a change going on, and he didn't know if Atemu would pick up on it. His lover would be adamant to continue his old ways, settle for the daily routine like before. Yuugi couldn't help but to utter a soft sigh. Atemu had to learn that he, Yuugi, wasn't as dependant as before. But before he could worry about it, Yuugi frowned. There was something else he had to address. He stood still in front of the bedroom door.
"Aibou..?"
"I heard the nurses complaining about you eating so little," Yuugi said. "I can feel your ribs, mou hitori no boku."
"Hospital food is awful," Atemu answered. Yuugi shook his head, but didn't press the issue. Not yet. He led Atemu inside and made him sit down on the bed.
"Do I have to change into pajamas?" he asked. Atemu wasn't too happy with wearing sweatpants all the time, but it was the only garment flexible enough to go around his cast. Yuugi shook his head again.
"When you're done resting, I'll help you change. Kaa-san will adjust a pair of pants so you can wear them instead of these, okay?"
"Fine," Atemu muttered and moved to lie down.
"Mou hitori no boku..." You're acting like a five year old. Yuugi bit his lip. It wasn't up to him to judge the other so harshly. After all, he wasn't the one with a complicated broken leg and in lots of physical pain. Carefully, he pulled the blanket over Atemu and lightly ruffled his hair, pressing a kiss to his cheek before leaving the room.
His friends were still talking and laughing while emptying Shizuka's basket of pastries. Jounouchi was a big help when it came to wolfing down the muffins, and Yuugi had to be quick to steal the last blueberry one.
"Did he give you any trouble?" Anzu winked at Yuugi. He blushed, mouth full.
"It's not easy for him," Yugui said after he swallowed. "He doesn't like being dependant now, and that's hard for him to deal with."
"It's always hard to deal with dependence," Shizuka said. Jounouchi's sister had been fairly silent, and her cheeks colored a little when everyone in the room looked at her. "I know what it's like to be in the hospital, of course. What it's like to not be yourself, to not be able to do what you want and how you're used to doing it. It doesn't matter how kind the nursing staff is, it's a little bit of yourself that you lose at that moment. You're feeling fragile, vulnerable, and I'm sure Atemu-san doesn't like to feel either way."
Otogi agreed. "I rather break an arm than a leg," he said. "Sure, I rather not break anything, but if I had to choose... being immobile is just the worst."
Anzu leaned to the side to pick up a heavy bag. "I brought some books," she said. "He's probably going to get bored out of his mind, so here's some reading material."
"Thank you, Anzu," Yuugi smiled as he took the bag. "Oh, and puzzle books as well? Thank you so much! He loves solving crosswords!"
"If you want me to go to the library to pick up more books, just let me know," Anzu said.
"Thank you. And, Otogi-kun, I want to get back to work full-time as soon as possible."
"So soon? Are you sure?"
"I'm taking care of Atemu-san while Yuugi-kun is at work," Yuugi's mother spoke up. Anzu tilted her head, a pensive look on her face.
"Does he know about this?"
A silence fell. Everybody knew Atemu's reaction to Yuugi choosing a job over his university career. In fact, just before the accident, they had been fighting over Yuugi's decision to take his life into another direction. During Atemu's hospitalization, the discussion had faded into the background, but wasn't forgotten.
"Not yet," Yuugi said, a little too airily. He was well aware that he had a lot of things to talk about with Atemu, and the job was the most important topic of discussion. Yuugi wasn't looking forward to it, because he was sure it was going to lead up to another confrontation. "I'm sure he'll understand that I can't stay at home all day."
Anzu looked a little doubtful, but smiled anyway. "I'm sure it'll work out," she said, as always optimistic and positive.
"Then I'll see you tomorrow, Yuugi-kun," Otogi added.
"Thank you for coming over," Yuugi said. "Your help means a whole lot to me."
"Talking about help, I'll stick around to take care of the mess," Anzu said, pointing at all the empty tea cups and saucers. Of course, this called for protests from Yuugi's mother, who argued that it was nothing, she could deal with it herself, but before she knew it, Jounouchi settled her into a chair with a magazine to read while the rest neatly cleaned the living room, washing all the dirty dishes. With so many helpful hands around, the work was done quickly and one by one, Yuugi's friends said goodbye to him. Shizuka, with her empty cupcakes basket, was the last to leave the building. Before she left, she quickly patted Yuugi on the shoulder.
"Don't fall him too hard," she said. "I had a lot of patience, but even though everybody kept telling me that it was temporary, it felt like there was no end to it at all."
Yuugi nodded, feeling a little downtrodden. "Thank you, Shizuka-chan. I won't."
The kiss was intense and passionate. Yuugi had missed lying next to his lover like this and hungrily returned the kiss, his arms around Atemu, snuggled close to him. The former Pharaoh returned the hug, his arms draped lazily around Yuugi, holding him as close as possible.
"Finally," Yuugi said, and he was glad to see the same passion in Atemu's eyes. They had missed each other so much; hospital beds weren't the best place for smooching. Now they were in each other's arms again, where they belonged.
"The guestroom finally proves its worth," Atemu said deadpan. Yuugi brushed a few golden bangs out of his face. The entire family had used the guestroom previously to store things, throwing clothes on the bed or putting books on the shelves, things that weren't needed but no one had the heart to get rid of. Before Atemu came home, Yuugi had freed the room from all its clutter and changed the bed linens.
"Walking up the stairs isn't good for you, at least not yet," Yuugi answered. "Once you start the exercises, you can try to climb the stairs, but for now we want to avoid excessive pressure."
"M-mm," Atemu made a non-committal sound. "I have been looking so much forward to share the bed with you again, aibou."
"Me too. I hate sleeping alone. The bed was so cold, it felt weird. I can't sleep without your arms around me. Pillows make for a lousy substitute."
Atemu smiled. "I am glad to hear that."
"Why?"
"I cannot imagine what I would do if the pillow had been a good substitute..."
"Silly Pharaoh," Yuugi kissed him again, "nothing can replace you, you know that." He heaved a sigh of pure bliss when Atemu's hand sank into his hair. He loved his hair being played with, and he continued to kiss his partner. "Nothing, absolutely nothing."
"You are the other half of my soul," Atemu said intensely. "I cannot live without you."
"I can't live without you either, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi said. "I don't know what to do without you. I love you so much."
"I love you too, aibou."
Another kiss, and another one. "Are you in any pain?" Yuugi asked, between kisses.
"Not at the moment," Atemu said. "Though the painkillers make me feel a little drowsy. My body... ah... does not react the way it used to."
"That's all right." Yuugi curled one of Atemu's golden bangs around his finger. "Don't feel guilty about it, mou hitori no boku. It'll come back, sooner or later. Don't forget that you're on heavy medication still, and it's going to take a while before you're in tip-top shape again."
"Bah," was the former Pharaoh's eloquent answer.
Yuugi reached over Atemu to turn out the light. "Let's get some sleep." He cuddled close, ecstatic about feeling Atemu's arms around him again.
Yuugi glanced at the clock in the kitchen. Half past seven. He still had some time before he had to leave for work, and Otogi was giving him some leeway, one big benefit when your friend was also your boss... not that it was Yuugi's intention to abuse Otogi's kindness. He picked up the tray with his and Atemu's breakfast on it and walked back to the guestroom. He smiled at seeing the other still asleep; resting was good for him and a night of undisturbed sleep was good for the healing process.
"Good morning, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi said, keeping his voice soft as not to startle Atemu. He moved a little, opening his bleary eyes.
"Good morning, aibou," he said. "What time is it?"
"It's around half past seven," Yuugi answered. "Can you sit up? Wait, let me help you." He put the tray aside to help Atemu sit up and stuffed a few cushions behind his back for support. Atemu hid a yawn behind his hand.
"It is still so early," he said. "At the hospital, the day started so early too."
Yuugi put the breakfast tray over Atemu's knees and sat down on the bed next to him. "Careful, the tea is hot."
"You are dressed already," Atemu remarked, a little puzzled.
"I have to go to work, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi stated calmly. It was strange, he wasn't looking forward to a confrontation, but he wasn't dreading it like he used to. The time he had spent alone, separated from Atemu, had shown him that he was stronger than he thought, and his self-confidence had grown. His voice reflected it; he sounded strong and confident.
"At Otogi's?"
"Yes."
Atemu remained silent, sipping his tea. Yuugi followed his example and took the bowl of rice from the tray. As the other said nothing, Yuugi told a little about the game designs he was working on and how Otogi was looking for the best way to manufacture and distribute it.
"I can't wait until my first game is for sale at the stores," Yuugi said. "Do you think jii-chan would like to sell it too?"
"I think he would sell anything with your name on it," Atemu said, but he sounded a little sour. He hadn't touched anything but the plum tea, and Yuugi moved the bowl of miso soup towards him.
"Here you are, mou hitori no boku."
They continued their breakfast in mutual silence, but not an awkward or uncomfortable one. Yuugi kept an eye on the clock as he enjoyed his breakfast, secretly glad that Atemu didn't cause a scene. Having found more confidence didn't mean Yuugi was going to search out the confrontation just for the 'fun' of it.
"Are you working all day?" Atemu suddenly broke the silence.
"Yes," Yuugi said. "Kaa-san will be around, and jii-chan will check up on you regularly. If you need anything, just call for them! Anzu brought you a big pile of your favorite books, and I'll call you during lunch time to check up on you."
He wasn't mistaken, Atemu was really pouting. Yuugi tried to imagine himself in Atemu's shoes. What must it feel like, to be dependant on others all the time, rendered immobile and without anything to do but to read books? He was wondering when Atemu would ask about his own work, and sure, his lover didn't fail him.
"Just help me get dressed, aibou, so I can get to the store," Atemu said, putting his tea aside. "If jii-chan puts a chair behind the counter, I will sit there and operate the register."
"No, mou hitori no boku." Yuugi rolled away from him, getting up from the bed. He frowned at Atemu, a little disappointed. "I know it's hard for you, but you have to heal. Do I have to remind you of your complicated fracture? Too much pressure or stress can set you back in the healing process, and that's the last thing you want. If you really want to do some work, I'll ask jii-chan to bring up some papers that you can sort. You're going to be busy with your exercises and resting according to doctor Satsumori's schedule. Don't disappoint me, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi said, almost amused at the shocked look on Atemu's face. "When I call you this afternoon, I want to hear that you've kept yourself to your schedule, not that you tried going down the stairs and worked at the store. Do I make myself clear? Now, eat your miso because tea won't give you enough sustenance. I'm going to work and I'll see you when I get back."
Without further ado, Yuugi turned around and stomped out of the room. Thundering down the stairs, he almost crashed into his grandfather.
"Good morning Yuugi," the elderly man deadpanned, "what's the rush this early morning?"
"I have to get to work, jii-chan," Yuugi said. "Otogi-kun is counting on me."
"That's not the rush. It's Atemu-san, isn't it?"
Yuugi heaved a dramatic sigh. "Jii-chan, I don't know what to do…"
"Leave him be, Yuugi," he said. "Atemu is used to walk around and do the things the way like he always did, but now he finds himself bedridden and immobile."
"I just wish he would understand," Yuugi said. Grandfather looked pensive.
"It's not easy for him, Yuugi. He's in pain, and he's told to rest and do nothing, while he wants nothing more to pick up his life before the accident. And I don't think he really likes the changes in the household," he added, carefully gauging Yuugi's reaction.
"He should realize by now that not everything can stay the same," Yuugi said. "I don't like to see him in pain, jii-chan, and I truly wish this had never happened. But I've made up my mind, I've made my decision and I'm not going to change it."
"I'm not saying that you should," grandfather said. "But try to see it from his point of view. It's not easy."
"Well, it's not easy for me either," Yuugi shot back.
"I'm sure everything will work out all right," the elderly man said. "Give each other some room, literally, okay?" He tilted his head and looked like he was going to say more, but he remained silent.
"All right, jii-chan." Yuugi showed a confident smile. "I really have to go now. Don't hesitate to call me when something's up!"
Unfortunately, the weather didn't help to improve the situation. The summer was extremely hot and humid, and made everyone irritable. When fall came, it came with heavy rain and thunderstorms, and the cold, freezing temperatures prevented Atemu from going outside. His leg was constantly hurting, and he was restless and irritable. The gang of friends cheered him up when they came over, but he relapsed in frustrated sullenness after they were gone. Yuugi grew irritated, constantly questioned by Atemu about his job, and after a particular bad day, Yuugi wondered why he had been looking forward to the day Atemu would get out of the hospital. Guilt was piled onto guilt, and he couldn't believe that he could think such bad thoughts. The man he loved was in pain, had suffered tremendous pain, and his entire world had been reduced to the first floor of the GameShop building.
The most practical things proved to be the most strenuous tasks. Atemu needed help with almost everything, the huge cast on his leg hindering him with every movement. Getting dressed or taking a shower was a huge endeavor, and frustration got added on top of frustration. They snapped at each other, and Yuugi felt angry and irritated. He was about to suggest sleeping separately, and he was glad he could leave the house for work. It made him feel even guiltier, and one day, while having lunch with Anzu, he spouted all of his frustration.
As usual, Anzu listened calmly while eating her salad. It felt great to get it all off of his chest, and when Yuugi finally was done complaining, Anzu reached at him over the table and pulled his ear. Hard.
"Are you two both deaf and blind?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Yuugi rubbed over his abused ear.
"Atemu-san is afraid he's losing control, Yuugi. Can't you see? He's used to be the one in charge, the one leading, the one taking the responsibilities. You can't blame him, he was born and raised to be a Pharaoh, and now he's the weaker one, in need instead of helping out. He literally has to lean on his crutches as his own strength has been shattered."
"Temporary," Yuugi protested. "As long as he's doing well on his exercises, building up his strength again..."
"Temporary," she repeated. "Don't you see, Yuugi? You're complaining about him, but you lack to see what's going on in his mind. You feel misunderstood? Try to feel incapacitated and failing instead."
"I love him no matter what," Yuugi said. "He never fails, and he never failed me."
"And he loves you no matter what. He has always believed in your strength, but he has always seen himself as the strongest one. Now that he's actually weaker, it feels strange and different to him. Less valued, less needed. In his opinion, he's failing you, and himself, for not being able to stand on his own two feet. And of course, because he used to be a Pharaoh, he's not going to sit down with you and talk all about his inner emotions, Yuugi. You of all people should know that by now. That's why everything escalated when you suddenly deviated from the path he had set out. You need to redefine your relationship, otherwise it becomes derailed, Yuugi."
"I can't believe..." Yuugi started, but he halted abruptly. Was this really true?
"He always had and has your best interest in mind, Yuugi. He thought that university was your best choice in life. It was difficult for him when you went against everything he stood for, the good education, the right choice he made in his opinion. Then the accident happened, and suddenly, you are taking everything out of his hands, rendering him obsolete all of the sudden... no Yuugi, let me finish... and no matter what, no matter how long he's leading a commoner's life, his beliefs and upbringing as a Pharaoh is still strong in him. He's not used to be the weaker party, and his body is failing him. And now he's failing you, because he will believe you're so strong that you won't need him any longer. He's afraid, Yuugi."
"I can't imagine him being afraid," Yuugi said. He felt sad. All this time he had thought Atemu had pouted and sulked to annoy and bother him, but now Yuugi could almost see and taste the fear behind his lover's different behavior.
"He'll never admit it, of course." Anzu smiled. "We're talking about Atemu-san here, and his pride matches Kaiba-kun's ego. And that same pride has taken a severe blow to boot, and it makes him doubt himself."
"Perhaps I was too busy with myself to see it," Yuugi muttered.
"I don't think so," Anzu tried to reassure him. "Atemu-san might be in a lot of pain, but it wasn't very easy for you either, Yuugi. You had your own issues to deal with. You felt smothered, over-protected, but re-discovered your independence, whereas Atemu-san, always independent to begin with, suddenly got the roles reversed and now he has to ask for help. You're both two very strong people, and the balance of your relationship got uneven. Don't feel bad about it, there's not a relationship in the world that doesn't have its up and downs."
"True, true... but in the beginning, everything went so wonderful..."
"Yes, but unfortunately nothing ever stays the same," Anzu said. "People change, relationships change. But there's one thing that won't ever change between the two of you, and that's how much you love each other. There's no doubt about that, and it's the strongest base for a relationship. As long as you have that love, and I'm sure the both of you will, there's no storm your relationship can't withstand."
Yuugi stood up from the table to spontaneously hug Anzu. "Thank you so much!"
"I should've chosen a career as a marital counselor," she joked. "Now, are you going to finish your omurice? And we're going to have mochi for dessert, right?"
It was past business hours and the GameShop was closed. The lights were on at the first floor, and the entirely Mutou family was in the kitchen, enjoying evening dinner. Yuugi sat next to Atemu, opposite of his mother and grandfather, and a lively conversation was going on, except for Atemu not partaking. Yuugi saw how little there was on his plate, and felt bad.
"Mou hitori no boku, please eat some more," he said, trying to encourage him. "You need your strength."
"I did my exercises today," Atemu said.
"I know, but it's a real strain on your body if you don't provide it with enough energy." Yuugi added a little bit of rice to Atemu's plate. "Please finish this, okay?"
"All right."
Grandfather started talking about a movie and Yuugi's mother chimed in about the classic nature of the film. Yuugi commented on the main actors, while keeping an eye on Atemu eating some of the rice, albeit reluctantly. After dinner, Yuugi helped his mother with the kitchen chores until everything was clean. He took two bottles of Mitsuya Cider out of the fridge, the soft drink with a lemon flavor was his favorite and he knew Atemu liked the taste of it as well. Grandfather had helped Atemu back to the guestroom; despite the resting and exercises, the healing process was slow and arduous.
It was an evening like all the others, stringing together like a non-stop cycle on repeat. After dinner, jii-chan would do some light administration chores, Yuugi's mother would meet up with friends or stay at home busying herself, and Yuugi would be with Atemu, in the guestroom, helping his lover and more would be added to the tension. A few gnarls and hisses, and a few kisses to make it better. Yuugi watched as Atemu sat on the edge of the bed, his cast leg stretched in front of him. Doctor Satsumori wasn't satisfied with Atemu's progress at all, another point of discussion that had created more pouts and frustrated sighs. Yuugi walked over and put the two bottles on the nightstand, next to a stack of doorstopper books Atemu was reading.
"I don't want to wait talking anymore, mou hitori no boku."
Atemu looked up, taken aback by Yuugi's prompt announcement.
"What do you mean, aibou?"
Yuugi sat down next to him and took his hands in his. He looked into Atemu's eyes. Crimson red, fierce eyes. The passion of a thousand nights, the determination of a thousand soldiers, the courage of a thousand warriors... Yuugi leaned into him and kissed him gently. He kissed him again, lips lingering.
"Aibou... I thought you wanted to talk..?"
"Yes, I do, mou hitori no boku. I wanted to stress how important it is that you know that I love you."
"I love you too, aibou," Atemu immediately said.
"I know. I never doubt that, and I hope you never doubt my love for you either."
"Never, aibou."
Yuugi took a deep breath. "I want you to listen to me without interrupting me," he said. "I think it's very important that we talk about this, mou hitori no boku, and I don't want it to end in a fight. I hate fighting, and I especially hate fighting after what happened."
"That was not your fault, aibou..."
"What did I say about you not interrupting me?" Yuugi teased him, pecking another kiss on his cheek to keep the mood uplifted. "Just listen to me, will you?"
Atemu nodded, his eyes curious, but not judging. Yuugi took another deep breath.
"Mou hitori no boku, you're not a Pharaoh anymore. You're my friend, you're more than a friend, you're the man I want to grow old with and share my life with. I love you so much and I want to be forever with you, I want you to hold me in your arms forever and ever. Never will you fail me, never will you disappoint me, never will you hurt me. Do you understand?"
He had to take a new breath after the waterfall of words, and he was glad that Atemu didn't take the moment of silence to start talking himself.
"This marks a change in our relationship, a positive change. We have learned something from each other, just when we did at the Ceremonial Duel. Remember the Duel, mou hitori no boku? How I cried, and how you told me not to be ashamed of my tears, but to stand up as a winner? The fact that you are in a different position now, more dependent because of your leg, doesn't make you a failure, or a weak person, mou hitori no boku. You know that. People were so hurt and shocked when they learned about your accident, and they rushed to help you, to help me, to help us. We're both humans. We make mistakes. We live and we learn, and we love."
"May I speak?" Atemu asked when Yuugi had finished. At the other's nod, the former Pharaoh moved his other hand on top of Yuugi's, smiling wistfully. "You told me when we were... fighting before, that you felt like you were always behind me, trying to catch up with me. I have always felt reassured with you behind me, aibou. Not in a way of 'you are weaker than me, stay behind', but in the way of support, I felt like you were always backing me up, a rock standing behind me to lean on."
"Then why didn't you accept my support?" Yuugi asked. "When I wanted to help you get up the stairs, and to the bedroom..."
"I guess I was not ready to face the fact that I am not a Pharaoh anymore." Atemu grimaced, and tried to dissolve it into a grin, but he faltered. "I am sorry if I have been controlling you, aibou. I knew how strong you were, but you slipped away from me, telling me what to do, and you started contesting me and my decisions. I was afraid of losing you, and I tried so hard to reinforce my grip on you again. I am sorry."
"You weren't controlling me. I have a mind of my own, but I didn't speak up. I know you had the best of interests in mind. I should've said something, but I didn't. I didn't want to disappoint you. Now I have learned I can take decisions on my own. It's okay to be... a little less strong all the time, mou hitori no boku. It's all right to cry once, or to ask for help. It doesn't make you any less of a person, it doesn't make you weak."
"I am sorry if I imposed on you, aibou," Atemu said again.
"Mou hitori no boku... please," Yuugi whispered. He lifted up their joined hands and placed a kiss on top of them. "I'm glad you're willing to listen, though. I know you don't like critique that much."
"I only like it when it comes from you, aibou," Atemu said dryly. "Because I know you have my best interests in mind as well. That is why you have been hounding me on my exercises and resting, and I started to believe that yes, someone hovering all over you and taking your decisions out of your hands, can be pretty annoying."
"You were never annoying, believe me. Whatever we did, we didn't do it to hurt each other. And no relationship can be without its trials." Yuugi had to think of Anzu's words. "The last few months have been tough, and we both had to get adjusted to the changes we underwent."
"I know," Atemu said. He brought his lips to their hands this time, and Yuugi all but melted from the gesture. "I have difficulties admitting that... I like to keep control over everything, and that it is hard for me to lose that control."
"It's all right, mou hitori no boku," Yuugi said. "I'm not without fault either, remember?" He skirted a little closer and nuzzled Atemu's neck. "Let's put the bad times behind us and look forward to the good times. We're going to be a very long time together, you know."
Atemu's chuckle was contagious. "A very very long time indeed, aibou."
"Oh, and so you know..." Yuugi looked up at him. "Jounouchi-kun had a great idea! Why don't you take my ID card and go to the university under my name? Barely nobody checks ID and we can afford to pay the tuition. Otogi is very generous with his personnel."
"That would be amazing, aibou," Atemu's face lit up. "I would love to!"
"See? And we're not fighting at all about it," Yuugi said, smiling radiantly. "You can become a professor yourself, mou hitori no boku." He was rewarded with a fond kiss.
"It really was not easy for you, aibou."
Yuugi leaned into him for a nice kiss, lips on lips. "You can be quite demanding and difficult, mou hitori no boku. But what you give back to me, so much love and protection, is something that I can't live without, ever."
"So... kiss and make up?"
"Kiss, yes, more kisses," Yuugi agreed. He wrapped his arms around the other, and they hugged each other tightly. He wanted to ravish the other silly, but there was still the matter of a half-healed leg in a huge cast. They were going to have to be creative for another few months, but Yuugi figured he could live with that. Besides, hugging and kissing felt good too.
"I love you so much," Atemu whispered in Yuugi's ear. "Other half of my soul."
"Other half of my soul," Yuugi agreed, and hugged him even tighter.
Part 1 |