After ten, the electricity is automatically cut on the colony, and because we’re illegally tapping from it, so are we. Hilde is distributing the candles, and she gives me a white, short one, knowing I won’t be using it for long.
“Is everything all right with the girl?” I ask.
She chuckles. “She started screaming when the lights went out.”
We walk together up to my room. I had to tell Hilde once I wasn’t interested in her… that way. I love and value her very much as a friend, but not as a girlfriend. It was hard for her, and she took the news badly. She later confessed to me that she had always thought we would end up together, and she never, ever had something with another guy because of that conviction. She blamed me for ruining her hopes and dreams, for wasting her time, and we didn’t talk for almost two years. Our friendship came back to life when she found a boyfriend, and her fear of being a ‘left-over’, when her chances with me had been shattered, was taken away.
I once had a crush on Trowa, as the classic “silent and strong” type of guy. I held myself back with great strength and willpower. I didn’t – and don’t - want to fall in love, I didn’t want the responsibility for a relationship in a world as unstable as this one. For me it’s easier to return... there’s nobody waiting for me and if I get killed, there won’t be a grieving widow. Besides, I don’t even know if Trowa... well, you know, swings that way. He certainly has never mentioned anything about it, never made any attempt or hinted at sexual attraction or activity, not that it’s my business. Even though he spends more time with Quatre than with me nowadays, I can’t assume they’re lovers. It would surprise me very much if they were- not that I would mind -but to me, he and Quatre just share equal interests, and have a more personal ‘connection’, not in the first place because of their mutual passion for music. I’m not jealous. I don’t even regret never telling Trowa I had a crush on him. Though he hasn’t said anything discriminating or derogatory about gay people, I just think he would react badly if I ever told him. It’s not easy when your same-sex friend tells you he has a crush... on you. So I never told him, and we’re still best friends. I like that. Never mind that I felt miserable for a while and cried a few nights. Cried about Trowa, about missed chances, about how lonely I was, and that there would be no change in this situation... ever. I ruffle my bangs. There is no time for reliving all that again, and I don’t want to think about it. I cut off the train of thought and smile at Hilde.
“Yeah... our pretty princess will have to do without her dolls tonight.”
She laughs. “Don’t forget her teddy bear. She will sure miss getting some!” She starts to laugh uproariously. Her teddy bear... I laugh with her of course, but an image of Heero Yuy flashes before my eyes. Handsome. Attractive. Those eyes, those fiery blue eyes.
I keep expecting him to attack me, to forcefully demand his freedom, to demand everything, but he had a discussion with me, he voiced his own opinions, no matter how dense and colored by propaganda they were. My laughter dies. Hilde looks at me with a surprised look on her face, mumbles something about ‘goodnight’ and I bid her the same. My room feels cold. I light the candle, and place it on the metal shelf; the thoughts in my head are jumbled, every single one screaming for attention. There are too many problems coming at me. I crush the tip of the match I used for lighting the candle in my fingers and rub the black ash between them. Maybe the others are right, and I desperately need someone to lean on... otherwise I’m not going to make it myself.
It’s past midnight when hell breaks loose. The sounds are all too familiar. The ground rocks violently, and people scream in hysteria. I jump out of my bed and scramble for my clothes. Chunks of concrete are coming down, showering me in white and gray chips and pieces. I hastily put on my boots. Another violent rumble sends me crashing to the ground. I stand up, open the door, and race through the hallway. Children and women run around, men wave with guns. There is definitely a familiar smell in the air. The stench of death.
When I turn around the corner, I almost slam into a door out of its frame. Someone pulls at my arm with great force, before my nose connects with the door. It’s Trowa.
“Raid on the Underground!” He yells at me. “Get everybody in gear!”
“What the fucking hell?” The words leave my mouth before I can edit them, but they are lost in the overwhelming rumble of collapsing walls and ceilings, in the screaming and the yelling.
Trowa disappears in the clouds of dust, off to Quatre or to save Catherine, I don’t know. I don’t bother re-entering my room to save my stuff; I don’t have any stuff worth to be saved. On the last second I change my mind, dive into my room, and retrieve my blankets and sheets. I haul my ass out of the room and hear the sound of another wall caving in. I skid to a halt and I turn around; that’s unmistakably the noise of a Leo. Christ! A mobile suit! What are they thinking? How come the Alliance executes a raid now? How did they find us?
“Get the hell out!”
“Move! Move!”
Leos are destroying the university, reducing the once solid building to a ruin. I cross the large hallway with the blankets in my arms, picking up lost children, and moving dazed and confused people.
“Get away from here!”
An explosion. Tremendous heat blows through the corridors, scorching everything... and everyone... inside. They are firing! Firing massive beam cannons inside! The screams and cries are tearing through me, ripping me apart; the horrible sounds of people dying reaches my ears. I will be hearing them forever in my nightmares. I have lost my blankets somehow. Some people seek shelter in the large cafeteria, and I urge them to leave. The walls tumble down under the heavy weight of a Leo stomping all around. In the flurry and the panic I can only register that there are no ground forces. I don’t hear gunfire nor do I see uniformed soldiers. I blink. Strange flashes swirl in front of my eyes- the weirdest, deadliest déjà vu I have ever had. I don’t know what hits me next but I find myself on the ground, my hip and left leg exploding with pain. Stars dance in front of my eyes, and the agonizing pain... Fuck! Stop whimpering! I try to lift myself off the floor, but I can’t. A massive chunk of concrete is lying on my left side, immobilizing me.
I hear screams, fortunately far away. The Alliance has never attacked the Underground before. Why are they doing this now? And how did they know which building to attack? I can’t trouble myself with these questions. My eyes sting with tears of the searing pain, I can’t feel my left leg. It’s no use trying to remove the concrete- it’s fucking huge. It must have crushed my leg. I hear the cracking and tearing sound of another wall about to crumble. This must be it. I am going to be crushed. I grit my teeth, and restrain myself from lifting my head to look around for him. For Shinigami. Did you really decide this time was the best one for me? I will die buried under fucking concrete and stone? Death visited me before and told me without words that my time was yet to come. The crucifix burns on my skin. Forgive me Father, for I have failed. Quatre. Trowa. Wufei. Sally. Hilde. Dr. G. Anna. God, they were right. I am leaving them behind. Suddenly the weight is lifted, and someone hisses: “Get away there! Hurry!”
I roll aside using my elbows, forcing my body to move. The pain is blinding and cripples me with every movement. I hear my own screams, and I couldn’t care less about the tears streaming on my face. With the last ounce of my willpower I take a look at my savior. The moisture in my eyes is blurring my focus, but I recognize him. I would recognize him out thousands of men because the first time I saw him; he was etched in my mind. Heero Yuy. Heero is lifting the concrete. He saves me. I can’t even thank him. Blackness claims me before I can utter a word.
“Get him out of the room!”
“Don’t touch me!”
“Get him OUT! Now!”
Rumbling sounds. Crashing sounds. Loud voices. A brawl. People are fighting. I try to open my eyes- the movement nearly exhausts me, and I let out a groan of pain.
“Stop it!” Quatre’s voice. Ah, bless the guy- he still can silence the noisiest crowd. My head pounds like a drum. Again. Pain, pain everywhere.
“You, out of this room, now!” He actually bellows. It takes a lot for Quatre to bellow- I must’ve missed some fireworks.
“You will not command me!”
That sounds like... Heero? What is he doing here? I want to open my mouth and say something, but my throat hurts, and all I can do is cough a little. It’s like a stack of hay being crammed in my throat, and I cough some more.
“Duo! Praise Allah, you’re awake!”
Something is being held to my lips; from the first drops I taste the blessed water. I lick, slurp and suck with my mouth, my tongue, just to taste more of the precious liquid.
“Not so fast. Take it easy.” Unmistakably, Sally’s voice. I want to open my eyes. Everything hurts, especially my leg. O God, I can feel my leg again... and want to chop it off because of the searing pain.
“Qu.. “ I want to say his name, but somehow I cannot pronounce the “Qua-” part of his name. Sally is near my bed, and flashes with a strong light in my eye. I cringe. She smirks and continues to check my vital status. I let her do her job, and face one of my best friends for the verdict. My vision is blurred somehow and I frantically bat my eyelids. It hurts.
“Duo, you’re going to be all right,” Quatre soothes. “Praise Allah, and God, and everybody else but the chunk of concrete that fell on you didn’t break a single bone. You’re bruised, cracked, and it will be painful for a while, but nothing is broken.”
I gust a sigh of relief. We don’t have much medical equipment and besides the difficult healing of broken bones, we don’t have anything professional to set and mend it.
“Another case of the Maxwell’s Demon’s luck,” Sally says, rather drolly. “Any other person would’ve had his hip and leg bones broken, but you came off rather unscathed, given the situation. It will hurt like hell though, and you will have to walk with a cane for a long time to come.”
“A cane?” I really can’t appreciate her typical humor now. She points at a stick standing in the corner of the room, but turning my head hurts too much, so I’ll take her word for it. Great. I’ll be wobbling around with a cane. My first thoughts are about the missions. The Gundams. Who is going to do.. I try to sit up, but the pain shocks me so much I almost black out.
“Don’t,” Quatre pushes me back into the pillows. “Take it easy. “
“Heero,” I say. “Heero was here, right?” A coughing fit takes my breath away. Sally hands me some medication and another cup of fresh water.
“He saved your life,” Quatre confirms. “We saw him carrying you out of the building. He let himself get captured pretty quickly, as he was exhausted from the effort and the smoke inhalation.”
“Yeah...” My mind wanders off. What was he thinking? Why... why would he rescue me in the first place? How the hell did he even get out of his secured room? Quatre looks at me, his expression a strange mixture between anxiety, expectation and a little bit of... amusement?
I slowly look around, and do not recognize the room. He is quick to fluff the supporting pillows.
“You’re in one of the safe houses, relax.”
Figures. I rub at my temples. I should have known, I developed the so-called emergency plan years ago. I’ve always kept in mind that the Alliance once would find out one way or another that this suburb, the Underground, was the hideout of our group. In case they would come with mobile suits or ground troops, I designated a few discarded and rundown houses as safe houses. After the first few people joined me, we worked together on cellars and an underground system of tunnels to provide shelter in case of an attack. I never would have thought we would actually use it; when Sally came to me, she, and later Quatre, would take up more seriously the maintenance of the safe houses by keeping stocks and supplies up to date and the corridors unclogged and clean.
“What were they thinking, firing a beam cannon at this distance? It’s against all interstellar conventions to fire an energy rifle inside a colony- let alone on civilians!” I cry out indignantly, coughing once in a while.
“I don’t know,” Quatre slumps his shoulders. “It was truly a sad day.”
“What’s our status?”
“What do you mean?”
“How many are dead?” My voice is clipped.
He swallows. “Fifteen at least. Three women had a miscarriage... we are busy taking inventory of who is here and who is... not.”
“Catherine?” I croak. Trowa isn’t in the room. Get your filthy hands of them, Shinigami! They’re not yours, you fucking bastard!
“They’re fine,” Sally says. “Catherine was fortunately at the Chang’s house and Trowa made his way out of the building.”
The relief washes over me. Even though Wufei and his wife are part of the Underground community, they still uphold this strange oddness to keep some distance, and they have chosen to live more reclusively. Their dwelling is located a hundred meters away from the first buildings of the Underground – a perfectly safe distance. I push away the blankets and try to get up.
“What are you doing? You should be resting, Duo!”
“I want to see him,” I say.
“Trowa is fine,” Quatre answers, a little bit strained, but I already know that he knows that Trowa was not the one I was talking about.
“Duo, I’d rather not have you walking around yet,” Sally objects.
“You can’t keep Maxwell in bed unless you tie him up,” Wufei remarks dryly.
“You made it!” I exclaim, even though I already knew he was safe. I skip the thought that it is not like me to not notice my friend until he stands in front of me. He comes towards me and bows, hands clasped together.
“Good to see you, Maxwell. It was a tragic day. I can only pray to the good spirits for comfort for the souls lost to us.”
“Thank you, Wufei. How’s Meiran?”
“We weren’t hit,” he tells me, face frowned. “Your university took the severest hits. I counted three Leos, no ground troops, and they shot without a pattern. It was totally random.”
“What the hell were they thinking... how did they even come up with this?”
The anger in his eyes is as raw as the indignant tone of my voice.
“I swear I will find the one responsible for this. For ordering this foul attack. For killing our people. They have sunk to a new low by choosing not to face us man to man, but by sending armed mobile suits. They have showed us what they really are- weaklings, who use machines to solve their problems.”
“You won’t find the one who is responsible for this,” I say dejectedly.
“I will. I swear.” He looks at me with the same intensity as Heero’s. That invincible, deep-rooted belief and trust, that look of determined... conviction. How I wish I could be so strong like that. I shift to find a better position on the bed.
“I’d rather have you find out why and how the Alliance knew how to target the Underground and the university in particular.”
“You have my word.” As simple as that, the words of his promise become a heavy weight on his shoulders. Wufei has continued his strict life of honor after his arrival here, upholding the codes and traditions of his former clan to pass on to his children one day.
“I want to get up,” I exclaim and he helps me sit without objecting. Sally fetches the cane in the corner, and returns to my bedside.
“Use this, Duo. It won’t be very helpful, but it favors your leg so you don’t put too much stress on it.”
“Thank you.”
“I will go with you,” Wufei ventures. “If you want to visit Heero, that guy is too dangerous to see alone. Before you know it, he’ll kick the cane away, and you can’t defend yourself now.”
I glare at him but he is not impressed, not at all. I make a theatrical move of ‘giving up’, and throw my arms high in the sky. Bad move- my shoulders also hurt.
“Let’s go,” I sigh. “How long was I out anyway?”
“A day. You needed the rest, Duo.” Quatre puts his hand on my arm and squeezes reassuringly.
“We took care of relocating everybody to the safe houses. We stayed here for the rest of the day, but no Alliance soldiers, or mobile suits showed up. As for Heero- he is now in the other safe house, the one two blocks away from here.”
“Bring me to him,” I command, and we leave for the safe house. The journey seems twice as long in my mind as each step sends jolts of pain through my body. I want this to get over with. To my surprise, when we pass the University, I see with my own eyes that it’s still standing tall, though heavily damaged. The west wing is miraculously undamaged- that means Quatre’s dean’s room and, thankfully, the sick bay have been spared the destruction. Heero has been brought to the most remote safe house. I have to stop biting my tongue. Finally, we are there. Wufei leads me to the basement, where two of our group are guarding him; I recognize them as the ones who were on guard duty the first time. They greet me enthusiastically, and I have to reassure them various times that I’m all right and well, yes, I will have to walk with a cane for a while because of my bruised and battered leg. When they hear I want to talk to Heero, they exchange nervous looks.
“What’s the matter?”
“Why do you want to see him? He’s dangerous, Duo. He constantly tries to escape, and he almost knocked one of us out.”
“I have to talk to him,” I say in my I-don’t-owe-you-a-fucking-explanation tone of voice. They both shut up but look at Wufei for some help. He’s looking at the door as if he’s studying it; then he suddenly grabs the handle and pushes. The door opens without a sound.
I immediately spot Heero, sitting cross-legged in the exact middle of the room, eating a dinner of sticky rice with egg and mushrooms. His eyes divert to me; sweep over me, and return their attention to the bowl of rice. I am thankful that they didn’t forget to feed him. Wufei stops me before I can enter.
“Don’t go in alone.”
“He won’t harm me,” I say, to my own amazement, I may add.
He snorts. “You’re not exactly in good shape, Duo. What if he takes you hostage?”
I shake my head. “Stay inside the room and watch him.”
He agrees and we both enter the room. It’s cold. There are some blankets in the corner as a makeshift bed. The only daylight is filtered through two previously made air holes.
“Why?”
My voice echoes in the hollow room. It’s larger than his previous cell. It feels damp.
“I owe you my life.”
He doesn’t react.
“I pay my debts. I don’t like to owe something to someone.” And especially not to you.
When Heero finally looks at me, it seems like the harsh gaze, the sharp sting of his eyes is gone, somehow. Maybe it’s the aftershock of the raid. I have lived through raids before, but never with mobile suits deployed, and ending in such a high death toll. He rises from the floor, slowly; as to show me he has no hostile intentions. It looks like he is stretching himself out, like a tree slowly coming to full length when reaching out its branches.
“I want to thank you for saving my life,” I tell him. His face is placid.
Wufei growls behind me. “The man is thanking you, you don’t have to feel all high and mighty.” His voice carries some irritation.
“That’s enough, Wufei,” I chide him gently.
He steps back, but eyes Heero as if he wants to deck him.
“You’re not hurt yourself?” I ask.
He shakes his head. I visibly have to force myself to keep standing up; I never realized I was so exhausted from the mere walk. The cane ticks on the floor- it takes me a minute to understand that my hand leaning on it is shaking hard. Wufei takes me by the elbow, and motions for me to leave the room. Heero raises his hand.
“Wait,” I tell Wufei.
“How is Relena?”
I look at Wufei for the answer, I had forgotten all about the girl. He shrugs.
“She is fine. Hilde took her to another safe house. She was in the west wing when the raid happened. I learned from Sally that she had to sedate her as she was completely flipping mad with fear.”
“No wonder,” I say, and wipe away the sweat on my brow. “It was terrifying.”
“I was thinking...” Heero speaks at the same moment when Wufei says: “The girls are all...”
“Safe,” I finish his sentence, and look at him for confirmation. After his nod, I address Heero.
“What were you thinking, Heero?”
He fidgets with the not-so-white-anymore flaps of his collar.
“I don’t think this was a rescue mission for Relena or me. They didn’t care if we were killed in the raid. If they did care, they wouldn’t have come to this place with Leos and beam cannons.”
He stands so close. He drops his hand. Did he really want... to touch me? I let go of the breath I was holding and suddenly, I want to get away from him.
“It could be possible the Alliance...” Is that really my voice, sounding so hoarse?
“Is this... is this what you are so afraid of?”
He is a little bit taller than me. His unruly hair reflects his own confusion; the chocolate bangs are sticking wildly out, some of them frame his eyes; blue eyes with an ocean of emotions, radiating from fear to anger, from despair to chagrin. He talks again, and what he says surely takes me by surprise.
“Set me free.” His voice is strangely subdued, and does not match the sudden fierceness in his eyes. His eyes, currently directed at me. I am stripped to my soul by those eyes. The hairs on the back of my neck prickle.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Yes you can.”
“I can’t.”
The last thing I am interested in is having a “yes-you-can-no-I-can’t” discussion with Heero Yuy. I don’t know what he’s trying to do or, what he’s talking about.
“You don’t understand. Set me free.”
“We’ll talk about this later.” I can barely bring myself to speak.
“You should rest,” he tells me, almost sounding worried-like. “Your leg looks pretty bad.”
“It could be worse.” I eye him. “If you didn’t lift that piece of concrete, it surely would’ve been broken. How come you’re so strong anyway?”
He...blushes? He averts his head a little.
“I had some training.”
“That must have been some pretty harsh training.” Wufei voices out loud, not with his previous hostility. He must feel in debt to Heero- he saved my life, of all people.
“And how did you get out of your room?”
He doesn’t move. “When the raid started, the guards fled... and the door got damaged by the attack. I didn’t know which way to go, so I just picked a direction. I saw you... on the floor, with that piece of concrete on your leg.”
I thought I was going to die. He looks at me as if he thinks the same thing. I’m suffocating in this room. I don’t have anything more to say. I don’t even answer Wufei when I stride past him as fast as the wobbly cane and my even more wobbly leg will take me.
“I’ll take you to your room,” he says and with a parting glare to Heero, he leads me out of the cell. The pain sears through me, jolt after jolt. We arrive after an excruciating walk at the west wing of the university. It’s safe there. My old room is buried under tons of rubbish; another ache, added to the enormous pile of aches. Wufei doesn’t comment on my strange conversation with Heero. He directs me to a room I don’t recognize instantly, and to a bed, helps me sit down, and points to a bowl on the nightstand.
“Eat and rest, Maxwell. Tomorrow will be another day, if the good spirits are with us.”
“Yes, if they are,” I answer, and with a faint smile on his lips he leaves the room.
I sit down on my new, improvised bed. My hip is killing me, and the strange words from Heero Yuy float through my head.
“Then set me free.”
“Yes you can.”
“He is fucking playing with my mind,” I growl, and curse myself. My head starts pounding right away, and the pain emanates in waves, rocking my body. I pick up the bowl, noting it’s the same rice with egg and mushroom mush Heero had, and I slam the bowl back on the stand. Before I realize what I’m doing, I bury my head in my hands, and cry.
Chapter 5 | Chapter 7