"Bills, bills..." Anzu sorted the mail as she waited for the elevator to arrive. Usually she would take the stairs, but at seven months pregnant, she wasn't going to walk up to the 16th floor anytime soon. They had really lucked out with an affordable apartment with such a beautiful view in a fairly decent suburb. A couple of years ago, it had been a struggle to survive in New York; she had been studying at the School for American Ballet to become a dancer and Yuugi had followed her to the States, accepting all kinds of tedious, boring jobs as he didn't speak English that well and only had a High School diploma.
She put the mail in her purse and entered the elevator, pushing the buttons. She didn't make much as a dancer and now that she wasn't able to dance at all, she had found a simple administrative job. Fortunately, when their friend Otogi contacted Yuugi out of the blue and asked him to help set up a Black Crown game store in the city, times took a turn for the best. With a steady job and a stable income, it hadn't been difficult to rent an apartment and furnish it; Yuugi was happy being surrounded by games all day of course, and his English improved drastically as he talked to American and international customers all day.
Anzu stuck the key in the lock and twisted it, opening the apartment door. "Yuugi, I'm home!" Despite all the English, they still spoke in their native, Japanese language in the privacy of their own home. She closed the door behind her and started to take off her coat, panting slightly. For seven months, she had such a heavy belly! Their friends had joked that she was carrying twins, but the ultrasound had shown only one baby. She smiled to herself. She couldn't wait to see her child, hers and Yuugi's. What took him so long, by the way? He would rush over as soon as he heard she was home, to help her out of her coat.
"Yuugi?" She put down her purse and ventured into the living room. He wasn't there. Confused, she scratched the back of her head. It was Wednesday today, right? Yuugi was always home earlier on Wednesdays, he would start dinner and welcome her enthusiastically. Maybe he was out the door for a last-minute errand, or something like that... Anzu checked the kitchen and the bathroom, no Yuugi. Growing concerned, she opened the door to the bedroom and heaved a sigh of relief when she saw him lying on the bed.
"Yuugi," she said softly and sat down on the bed. He opened his eyes.
"Anzu, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."
"You're tired," she said. Yuugi put in a lot of hours at the Black Crown and he helped out on weekends, attending Duel Monsters tournaments as the card game had gained tremendous popularity in the States as of late. "Why don't we stay home tonight and order some take-out?"
He nodded. "I didn't feel like cooking."
"It's all right." Anzu put her hand on his cheek and her fingers touched the golden bangs framing his face. "Something the matter? You look sad."
"It's nothing, I'm just tired. This weekend is another tournament and Otogi-kun wants me to be there..."
"That's the fourth weekend in a row," she said, frowning. She was very grateful to Otogi for offering Yuugi such a great opportunity, and she was certain he wasn't taking advantage of the situation, but still... Yuugi was a father-to-be, she wanted him to be with her, enjoying their moments together before the baby was born. "There are many other skilled players. You shouldn't be the only one to host these tournaments and play in all of them." Anzu looked to the side, noticing Yuugi's deck on the nightstand. It surprised her to see Osiris on top of the deck. "Yuugi..?"
"The Americans want to see the God cards." He shrugged, too brusquely. "When Kaiba-kun broadcasted the Battle City tournament, the entire world got to see them and they wanted nothing else ever since." Yuugi's voice turned bitter. He hadn't been in a position to keep companies from producing Duel Monsters cards, including copies of the God cards; it felt like a disgrace to him to see the names of the Divine Beasts being 'translated' or mangled to appease the larger public. He had asked Pegasus, the original creator of the game, about it, but the American answered that his Industrial Illusions sold the concept of creating cards to anyone interested; as to not overflow the market, these new cards had to abide specific rules and formats. Yuugi couldn't stop it and he really wanted to be happy for so many new additions to his beloved game, but it felt... wrong.
"I'm sorry, Yuugi." She stroked his cheek in an attempt to comfort him. Osiris had been Atemu's signature Ancient Egyptian God, she had seen the two-mouthed red dragon act very protectively towards its Pharaoh when they were in the Memory World. A magnificent beast, a majestic entity, and one of Yuugi's favorites; but she knew he didn't regard Osiris as his. It was his, Atemu's, the Pharaoh's. The same went for the other two: Ra and Obelisk. She couldn't imagine how horrible it had to be to play these cards over and over with so many emotions attached to them. Atemu had left the deck behind, simply because he couldn't take anything physical with him, where he went... Anzu closed her eyes, the memory too powerful.
She got up quickly, too quickly, and she almost lost her footing. Anzu hurried to the living room and grabbed the phone. The Japanese cuisine in New York wasn't entirely like home, but it came very close. They had tried several restaurants until they had stumbled upon a small, family-run establishment whose home-cooking was delicious; New York had also several Asian markets where they could buy fresh produce and the products they knew and loved. Nonetheless, Anzu's parents insisted on sending them 'care-packages' with authentic Japanese things, convinced as they were that nowhere in the US such items were available. Often these packages would include something from their friends: a handwritten card or a funny trinket. Anzu missed them all, and she knew Yuugi missed them too; modern communication like Skype and email were great, but it wasn't 'real' contact... it wasn't like they could get together within fifteen minutes and eat at Burger World like they used to. She ordered food on autopilot and when she hung up, she didn't even recall what exactly she had ordered. She wasn't that hungry anymore either...
"Anzu." Yuugi was behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging her sore muscles. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be." She shivered as her body started to relax. "You work too hard."
"You too," he said.
"I'll be on maternity leave soon," Anzu said. It was nice to be financially better off after their initial toiling and struggling, but that didn't mean they had an unlimited budget. The stack of bills in her purse was a reminder of their responsibilities, and with a baby on the way... "Then I can get some rest."
"Do you think our son or daughter will give you any moment to rest?" He meant it as a joke and Anzu smiled, albeit wearily. She rolled her shoulders and Yuugi moved his hands up to her neck, continuing the gentle, massaging movements, working out the knots. She tilted her head from left to right, just enjoying the moment. Yuugi's presence calmed her down and her mind went back to one of the breathing exercises she had learned during one of her many dance trainings.
"We really should be discussing names for the baby," she said.
"Any name is fine by me," Yuugi answered. He pressed his thumbs at the back of her neck, tracing circles over her skin.
"Yuugi... if it's a boy..." Anzu took a deep gust of breath. "I don't want his name to be Atemu."
Did she imagine it, or did his movements halt, if only for a second? The pressure of his fingers
against her skin was just the same, rotating, circling.
"I know." His voice was just a little lower, a little softer. "I would never suggest it, Anzu."
He didn't offer an alternative, and neither did she. Anzu lowered her head a little, feeling bizarre and sad. She had actually never expected Yuugi to follow her to the States. He knew about her dream to become a dancer since they were small kids, but she had figured he was going to work in his grandfather's Game Shop. Anzu had never asked why he moved with her, they hadn't been in a relationship back then. From friends they turned into lovers, but not into a married couple. Yuugi had never proposed, and Anzu knew why. She couldn't help the tears welling up in her eyes. How could she ever tell Yuugi that he was her second choice? How could he ever tell her that she was his second choice? Even in death, there was one person standing between them, and they couldn't get past him, could they?
"This isn't what he would've wanted," she said as a tear slid down her cheek. "He would've wanted us to be happy."
"We're happy," Yuugi answered. "We love each other, we're having a baby..."
"How much longer will we be telling each other these lies?" She raised her voice just a little and she rubbed angrily at her face. He had withdrawn his hands and the lack of his touch made her feel cold, and completely alone.
"Anzu...I never lied to you."
"I understand now," she whispered. It made her feel sick to her stomach. "I never asked, because I didn't dare to... but you followed me to New York because you wanted to escape Domino City, didn't you? Not to follow me... but to escape him."
His breathing became a little erratic. That he didn't walk around her to look directly into her eyes, was another blow. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You wanted to leave Atemu-kun behind," she said. "Behind that door, behind your walls. And now that you're playing Duel Monsters again, the God cards again... it reminds you of him daily, doesn't it?"
He was silent for too long. "It hurts," Yuugi finally said.
How did she dare accuse him of lying, when she felt the same pain? When she wanted to hear his voice, and was reminded daily of that voice since Yuugi had grown and matured, speaking in almost the same timbre and tone? How could she accuse him of lying, when she had thought of him instead of Yuugi, when he held her and loved her? She was the biggest liar of them all. Her hands went to her belly, as if she could cup her child and protect it from her own thoughts. No, she hadn't gone as far as to wish the baby was Atemu's, instead of Yuugi's. It had never been possible...
The doorbell rang and it startled her out of her thoughts. "I'll get it," Yuugi said, almost mechanical, and he went to the front door. She didn't listen to him making small talk with the food delivery boy and the rustling of the plastic bag with the boxed meals. Huddling into herself, she waited until Yuugi had brought it to the kitchen and for him to return to her. He didn't unpack the food; he wasn't hungry either.
"It hurts," she repeated when he came to stand behind her again. She should've known. Her dream had been legitimate and she had worked hard to become a dancer, enjoying immediate success; but deep down in her heart, she had known all along. Yuugi wasn't the same as Atemu. She should've seen his grief, his loss, and what he was looking for. A substitute. She didn't deny or doubt his genuine love for her, she truly believed he had always been honest; but it wasn't the same. Her hands trembled. This baby was loved and welcome, yet it would be born in a big lie, an illusion. It made her want to cry again. She just couldn't take Yuugi's honesty; his silence said more than enough. "Say something," she said. "Please, just say something."
"I love you," he said.
"You love him more," she said.
"So do you." There was no malice, no sarcasm, no mocking or anger in his voice. Just the truth, when she had wanted to hear a lie. I love you so much Anzu, will you marry me? She shivered violently and he put his arms around her. Anzu grabbed his hands and pressed them against her chest, not wanting to let him go. He would've wanted us to be happy. We're happy. Was this the best she could do? Settle for Yuugi as his Other wasn't available? How cold-hearted could she be? But had Yuugi not made the same choice, to settle for her, as his Other wasn't around anymore? Her voice hitched in her throat.
"Tell me a lie," she said.
"Anzu..?"
"Tell me a lie! When Atemu-kun left... did you want to go with him?"
"Of course not," his voice was smooth, suave and his answer was quick. "I want to be with you."
She had never known that Mutou Yuugi was so good at telling lies.