At the day of the funeral, Yuugi couldn't do anything but to force himself to stand, accepting the condolences of his friends. Everything went by as in a daze- he didn't even realize Atemu was forcing him to eat, holding up the chopsticks with a little rice, pressing them against his lips. He barely noticed that he was sitting on the couch.
The house was a sea of flowers, sympathy cards were piled up on the coffee table, and friends and distant family kept calling, wishing them well, offering to help. Yuugi felt guilty leaving everything to Atemu, but he simply couldn't put himself to do anything- not even looking at Tzuziko. The girl was most of the time crawling around, guarded by Yusuke who seemed paler than ever. Just like Yuugi, she had to pull out her handkerchief multiple times a day, dabbing at her eyes.
He wrung his hands, looking at nothing in particular. Almost every little thing in the house reminded him of his grandfather. He felt like he had so many more things to ask, that he couldn't do anything without him...the store, what about money, the future? Was this his punishment for not paying enough attention to his grandfather? He'd stopped by every day at his room, and played Go with him, hadn't he?
Yuugi suddenly jerked out of his thoughts when a weight settled on his lap, and he brought up his hands in surprise.
"Our girl misses her father," Atemu said, voice neutral, with a hint of concern.
"Just as her father misses his grandfather," Yuugi replied, taking Tzuziko's little hands in his.
"I miss grandfather too, aibou," Atemu said, placing his hand on his cheek. "I have lost a friend, someone I owe my life to as much as I do to you...it feels like something has been torn from me."
"I'm sorry...I'm so selfish." Yuugi bowed his head, frowning. He didn't want to cry in front of his daughter, but it was difficult keeping it all back.
"You are not, aibou. You are the most selfless person I have ever met, do not be silly. Every one has his own way of dealing with grief, of mourning...it is all right, aibou."
"No, it's not..." His voice was hitching again. "I thought he was going to live forever. I thought...that everything would be all right as long as I didn't mention it. I simply avoided everything, thinking everything would be fine!"
"Aibou..." Atemu didn't understand where Yuugi's outburst came from, and moved his arm around him, his other arm supporting Tzuziko on Yuugi's lap.
"I'll never...I'll never do that again...whatever happens, I won't ignore it and think it'll pass...never again..."
Tears came flooding back as he sought comfort and solace in the other's arms, still holding the baby's hands, heaving a sigh of relief when feeling and sensing the familiar clothing, warmth and scent of his other self.
"Never leave me, mou hitori no boku..."
"I will never leave you, aibou."
"I don't know how you can stand living with me," Yuugi said, not caring for his wet cheeks. "You always told me that I was strong...and look at me, crying and sobbing!"
"Tears are never a sign of weakness, aibou. Your grandfather died, a very important person in your life...you are very much entitled to cry and mourn."
"I'm not strong...look at me...I'm just a weak kid, who can't even take care of himself."
"I am looking at you, aibou," Atemu softly said, leaning into him. "And what I see is a wonderful, loving person who is going through a rough time right now. It is all right to cry...you need time to deal with this. Death is a part of life, and something that awaits us all..."
"Don't talk like that," Yuugi quickly shook his head, feeling fresh tears well up.
"It is never the end, aibou," Atemu continued, keeping his voice low. "You know what we Egyptians believe what happens after death, and it is something much more honourable and wonderful than we living people can imagine. Jii-chan is with the gods now, watching over us."
"I know," Yuugi said, "I know..."
He felt something pressing against his cheek, something small, and when he opened his eyes he saw it was Tzuziko, looking at him expectantly.
"Tzuziko-chan..."
"Remember the second name we gave her?" Atemu asked.
"Anekh," Yuugi said without hesitation. Life.
"She needs you, aibou. Your mother needs you. I need you. I am not telling you to forget grandfather, or to deny your grief...but do not forget about us. Life and death are very close...grandfather had a great life, and we should celebrate his adventures, instead of drowning in tears. We all have our own way of dealing with the joys and grieves of life and death...it is how fate has determined our lives, aibou."
"You're right..." Yuugi looked at Tzuziko, who kept her small hand against his cheek, and couldn't help but smile, be it a little watery. "Thank you..."
Atemu pressed a kiss on his temple. "Try to take it a little easy the next few days, aibou. If you need anything, just ask me. Now rest a little..."
"Thank you," Yuugi said again. "From now on, mou hitori no boku, I'll never wait with talking to you, I'll never wait with telling anyone anything..."
Atemu simply nodded, pressing another kiss to his temple. He shifted his arms around Tzuziko, lifting the girl up who looked curiously at her wet fingers.
"Rest, aibou," he repeated, and Yuugi leaned back into the cushions, still feeling emotional, but a little more consoled.
Yuugi stayed home from university, not feeling up to participate in the last few weeks of his semester. It would mean that he'd be missing his exams, and he talked to his study counsellor to make an exception for him. Yuugi already had enough credits to be admitted to the third year, but he didn't want to get bad grades for his exams when it could be avoided. Fortunately, his counsellor showed understanding and allowed him to take his exams later- when he was able to concentrate on them. With the recent death of his grandfather, Yuugi had difficulties concentrating- difficulties accepting that Suguroku wasn't in his life anymore. He wandered about the house, spending time with Tzuziko or doing chores, avoiding his grandfather's room for now- Atemu had refused to close the door of his room, and Yuugi didn't have the heart to do it himself. He sighed when thinking of his upcoming summer break- usually he helped his grandfather in the store, but now...
When returning from grocery shopping, Yuugi opened the door and all but stumbled inside, carrying two bags of the local supermarket. The first thing he saw was his mother standing in the hallway, just about to finish closing the buttons on her light coat, a suitcase next to her feet.
"Kaa-san?" Yuugi asked, almost panicked. "Where are you going to?"
Mutou Yusuke turned around and smiled over at him, her eyes warm, but still showing her own grief.
"Don't worry, Yuugi-kun," she answered him. "I'm just going away to my friend for a while. One, two weeks at most. It's just...I'm sorry, Yuugi-kun. Too many memories, it's growing over my head. I need a little time to get to myself and think..."
"I understand, kaa-san," Yuugi said, heaving a sigh. He put his bags down -they were getting too heavy anyway- and walked over to his mother for a hug.
"I'm sorry," she whispered while returning the hug. "You're in the middle of dealing with this as well, and I feel like I'm chickening out on everyone."
"No, you're not, kaa-san," he reassured her. "Mou hitori no boku already said that everyone needs to deal with grief on his or her own. If taking a little distance is helping you with that..."
"You're both so very sweet," she said, trying to suppress a sob in her voice. "I wouldn't know what to do without you...the both of you."
"We'll be waiting for you to come back, whenever you think the time is right again," Yuugi said, respecting his mother's decision even though it fell him hard.
"Thank you, Yuugi-kun. It's a very difficult time for all of us...but I'm not far out of sight, and I'll call you every day."
She kissed him on the cheek, bending through the knees to pick up her suitcase. "Before I forget, look after Atemu-san, all right? He hasn't had a single bit of rest ever since...since it happened," she said, voice thick with emotions. "I'll thank him another time for taking care and arranging everything, but...please see to it that Atemu-san get some rest, will you?"
"Don't worry kaa-san, I will," Yuugi promised, before letting go of her. Yusuke lifted the suitcase, a mere second before a claxon sounded briefly.
"That'll be my friend. I'll call you as soon as I'm arrived, Yuugi-kun."
He nodded, unable to say anything more. She threw him an apologetic look, pain reflecting in her eyes, as she finally turned around and opened the door.
It took him a few minutes to finally go up the stairs and go to the kitchen. Yuugi put the groceries away, opening drawers and cupboards, restocking the cereals, pancake mix, jam, biscuits...it felt so mundane that he almost wanted to laugh. Yes, life was going on as usual, despite the loss, despite parted ways...he sighed again. He still had family and wonderful friends, and a very significant other to boot. How did he even dare to think of complaining? Yuugi glanced at the clock. Tzuziko's nap time was almost over, maybe he could play with her a little? She seemed to be very fond of that brightly coloured block game, a present of Jounouchi, who had also promised to fix up any car Tzuziko was going to drive for free. There were some dirty dishes in the sink, and he considered for a brief moment of washing them, but decided against it. His mother's words kept replaying in his mind, and as soon as he finished putting everything away, he decided to go to the store.
He knew Atemu was sure to have the baby alarm on, whenever he was in the store or in the house. After Yuugi had gone through the door separating the store from the house, he noticed how quiet it was in the store. There'd been a slight rush at the re-opening after Suguroku's passing; a lot of regular customers had stopped by to offer their sympathies. Atemu was sitting on a stool behind the counter, working his way through some paper files; Yuugi spotted the baby alarm on the counter, at maximum volume.
"Mou hitori no boku..."
"Aibou, I did not hear you come back from your shopping. Did you manage to get everything?"
"Yes, I got everything," Yuugi said and came to stand behind him. Atemu wasn't looking at him, keeping his attention on the papers in front of him.
"Mou hitori no boku, did you cry?"
"Why do you ask, aibou?"
"Because you aren't looking at me. You always look at me, and you always ask for others to look at you. You never avert your gaze unless you're crying or have cried."
"You know me well," Atemu said, a soft smile on his lips, when he turned around to look Yuugi straight in the eyes.
"Mou hitori no boku...weren't you the one telling me that tears were never a sign of weakness?" He touched the skin under Atemu's red eyes, gently.
"I do not wish to burden you, aibou."
"You never burden me," Yuugi said, shaking his head. "I should've seen it myself that you were grieving too...I'm so sorry, mou hitori no boku."
"It is all right..."
"No it's not, and you know it." Yuugi grabbed Atemu's hand. "Lean on me, mou hitori no boku. We're going to sit down in the living room and you're going to take a rest. This time, you're going to be in my arms, not the other way around."
"I love to, aibou, but the store..."
"...is closed for the afternoon. We've been open at the most irregular hours before, and the customers will understand, and if they don't or can't, they can go to Otogi-kun's store to get their card fix."
Atemu chuckled a little. "Aibou, that is not good for our profits..."
"Talking about profits, we need to discuss the store and its future as well, too," Yuugi said, and quickly added: "But not now. At this moment...we both have other things on our mind. Come, let's go inside."
The clock struck three; it was time to get little Tzuziko out of bed. Yuugi looked a bit worried at the clock. Atemu was resting against him, having fallen asleep the moment as they sat down, and Yuugi had been talking to him, sweet words of love and devotion, stroking his hair and studying him, taking in his features, declaring his love over and over to him again- it didn't matter that Atemu couldn't hear it, he knew the meaning behind Yuugi's words, awake or not.
"Mou hitori no boku," he whispered, "wake up...I need to get Tzuziko-chan out of her bed..." He didn't receive an answer, as Atemu shifted around a little and snuggled even closer up to Yuugi.
"Mnn...mou hitori no boku..."
He glanced at the clock again, hoping that Tzuziko would at least sleep for another ten minutes, otherwise he would have to squirm and wriggle his way out of under Atemu who had curled up against him. Closing his eyes, he decided that he'd wait for ten more minutes only...and suddenly got the feeling that he was being watched. Yuugi opened his eyes and turned his head a little, spotting Tzuziko in front of the couch, on all fours. She had climbed out of her bed and down the stairs all on her own! Yuugi smiled brightly at the girl, complimenting her with her great achievement.
"Hey there, little one," he said softly, as not to wake up Atemu. "Come sit with us, Tzuziko-chan?"
The girl looked up, eyes wide, with the usual half-frowned, examining expression on her face. She looked over at Atemu and back at Yuugi again, then to Atemu.
"Yami papa," she suddenly said, her voice high-pitched and with a slight lisp, but Yuugi could make out the words.
Yuugi's smile grew even wider. "Tzuziko-chan! You talked...! You came all the way down and you talked!"
"Hikari papa," she said and showed a very content look before climbing up the couch, wanting to settle into Yuugi's lap. He had to help her a little, leaning over Atemu who still was asleep, and managed to get her up the couch, holding her in his lap, her head resting against his chest. Holding one arm around the sleeping Atemu and his other around his daughter, Yuugi smiled down at the both of them, gratitude and love flowing through him. Truly the birth of a family.
Tzuziko craned her neck a little, eyes falling on him. "Hikari papa," she repeated and put her head against his chest again, tiny fists curling in his shirt.