Christmas Eve, 21.15 A.M.
I'm not sure what I'm doing here. Really, I'm not kidding. I'm sitting behind Yugi's desk, in Yugi's chair, in Yugi's room, while downstairs the first guests are gathering to celebrate Christmas. After the hassle with Duel Kingdom, Battle City, the Doma warriors and the Kaiba Grand Prix, my other ha... Yugi decided we all could use a break from dueling, and insisted we'd come together on Christmas Eve.
I don't know anything about Christmas besides what Yugi explained to me. I don't know Jesus or God or Allah or any other deity. My Gods are gone, outdated, forgotten. I lived my life thousands of lifetimes ago. I shouldn't be here. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm only here to regain my memories- memories just as forgotten as everything else I ever knew. My hands shuffle idly through the cards. My deck is carefully composed, a perfect balance, a trustworthy friend. This special time of the year, as Yugi keeps stressing it, is making me uncomfortable. It reminds me of how...incomplete I am, how superfluous I am, how... nothing I am.
The door opens, creaking softly, and bright light flows into the room.
"Yami, are you coming?"
It was my suggestion to call me that, by lack of my real name. He wasn't getting tired of referring to me as 'the other me', but I wanted to have something on my own, wanted to have my own name- no matter how hollow it might be. In this period of time with all the happy faces, bright lights and the promise of something new and the joy of the festivities, it makes missing of something as simple as a name even more tangible. Yugi doesn't ask why I'm sitting in the dark. He accepts it, just as he accepts everything I do. This trust, this...blind faith, is sometimes overwhelming me, but also reminding me of the responsibilities I have. If I really have been a Pharaoh, then I have to be strong and brave- just like Yugi. I owe him so much, and he has never asked for something in return.
"Sure," I answer and rise up from the chair, watching him leave the room to return to his guests. When I turn around, I awkwardly move my arm over the desk, knocking over my neatly arranged deck. Frustrated, I heave a sigh and bend over the desk to collect the cards. I quickly shove them onto one pile, the Dark Magician automatically ending up on top.
Christmas Eve, 23.30 A.M.
"There," I say out loud, for no particular reason. Before I leave, I touch the card of the Dark Magician, my favorite monster - even though I loathe to refer to him as a "monster" -, and faithful servant. Yes, servant is a much better word and- I'm suddenly blinded by a flash of white light and I suppress a grunt. I quickly reach for my deck- I'm going to need it if this is a new threat, a new danger... my hand freezes in mid air. The white light takes on a softer shade and slowly purple colors swirl into the light, getting easier on the eyes, shaping itself, into...
"Dark Magician?"
He stands in front of me- my Dark Magician, tall and proud, brighter and livelier than any high-tech holographic 3-D program could ever render him. I gasp.
Is my Duel Disk on? No, and even if it was, I had to insert the card in a slot to make it work. What kind of holograph is this? I reach out, expecting my hand to go through the image, but instead I'm touching solid form.
Immediately, he puts his hand over mine, a cold touch that makes me shiver.
"My Pharaoh," he answers in the voice I always imagined him to speak with; majestic, graceful, comforting. He bows his head, shifts the jewel-encrusted staff to make a slight bow while maintaining his grip on my hand.
"No, don't do that," I urge him. "There's no need to do that."
A small smile graces his lips. Such intense eyes, blue and clear like crystals.
"You look well, my Pharaoh."
"Pha... how do you know?" How come I feel so at ease when a Duel Monster has just come to life in front of my eyes? Could it be because he's my favorite card... favorite servant? I once said that sometimes a card chooses its master, instead of the duelist the card. I have never asked myself why I choose the Dark Magician. It... just... belonged... to me.
"I...I'm dreaming." I pinch myself, trying to get a grip. "Ouch!"
The only sound in the room is our breathing. Our breathing. I look up to him; of course he's taller than I am.
"Why can I even see you? How is this possible?"
He cocks his head a little. "It's possible that in certain situations a Duel Monster can be summoned without additional help. Sometimes, a certain time or a certain position in a magical circle allows a summoning."
"It's Christmas Eve," I answer.
He sends me a confused look, not knowing anything about contemporary holidays.
"Christmas," he repeats, tasting the strange word. He smiles again. He strengthens his grip on my hand and slowly pulls me towards him. I take a step forward. I know what's coming, and I want to embrace it so badly.
He leans forward, leans into me. A blush creeps on my face; his touch sets my body on fire. I don't know why I close my eyes, maybe out of a millennia old instinct, but I'm not surprised to feel his cool lips on mine. He kisses me. I... I don't know what to do. I respond to him, opening my mouth further and his hands snake around my waist to pull me even closer in his embrace. The magic staff presses against my back and I lean into him, putting my hands on his upper arms and my face against his chest. The armor feels cold, just as his hands.
"Why?" I ask. "Why are you serving me?"
"You are my master," he answers simply. I ignore the freezing cold of my cheeks and hands; I just want to loose myself in his embrace, draw strength from him, and kiss him another time. He's not a real person, and the numbing cold only reminds me that he's a Duel Monster and nothing more. It can't be true. This.. this comfortable feeling, this mutual trust.. there must be so much more and I don't know... I don't remember. Not for the first time I curse my lost memories.
"Can you tell me anything... about me?" I bit on my lip. I wanted to say "about us", but I'm afraid he will pull back.
"It's not my place to tell you," he says, "but you'll soon learn, Pharaoh."
"Will...will you tell me your name?" I ask. My grip on him is slipping; he's becoming transparent again.
"That is not my place either," he sighs. "You'll soon learn, Pharaoh. Very soon."
"Do you know my name?" I ask him frantically. "Do you know..."
"Soon," is his last word, voice fluttering like a last whisper in a tree.
"What do you mean? Where are you going? Don't go! Don't go, please! Please!" I don't care if I once was a mighty Pharaoh who ruled one of Earth's greatest nations. I don't care if I'm screaming so loud that they can hear me downstairs. All I want is to have him close to me, and bury myself in his arms and learn his name, so I can cry it out loud.
Christmas morning, 00.25 P.M.
"Yami, what are you doing here? Did you fall asleep?"
"Wha- what?" I lift up my head, blinking my eyes. It's dark in the room and I feel cold.
"I'm sorry, I must've dozed off. Have the guests arrived yet?"
He gives me a funny look. "Yami, you said you were going to get something to drink. Why are you upstairs? Everybody is already here."
"Here?" I absentmindedly touch my cheek and almost hiss from the cold.
Yugi puts his hand on my forehead and I barely refrain from sighing in remembrance of the earlier touch from my Dark Magician. I want to look around for him, or for the card, but Yugi forces me to look him right in the eyes.
"I think you're running a fever," he says, "you feel very cool, but your face is really red and flushed. Are you coming down with the flu, perhaps?"
"I...I don't know." I stumble, and I feel like I'm a six-year-old, caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He perks up.
"Come on, the guests are waiting for you."
"Sure, I'm coming... who have arrived yet?"
He eyes me suspiciously, but I don't give in.
"Yami, you know that everybody has arrived, except for Kaiba. Don't you remember that he called to say he was coming fifteen minutes later? You and Jounouchi were joking about it."
"Me and Jounou..." I can't even remember talking to one of my best friends and Yugi is looking at me again.
"What's wrong?"
"How long have I been downstairs?"
"You came right after me," Yugi tells me, eyes shining brightly. "Anzu, Honda and Otogi already arrived. Jounouchi and Shizuka came five, six minutes later, then Bakura and after him, Mai. You were a bit unresponsive at first, but after a glass of wine you loosened up a bit," he snickers. "Everybody was so glad to see that you and Bakura got along really well."
"I don't have anything against Bakura," I say, baffled.
Again with the funny look. "His yami, Yami," he says and laughs sheepishly.
"What?" I've spent the night babbling and talking to Yami no Bakura? The thieving, lying, conniving bastard and I've spent the whole night talking to him? The funny thing is that I know it's true- I still know what he was wearing. I have this distinct image of a black trench coat, kinda like the one Kaiba always wears, and he didn't take it off. The blue striped shirt, the light gray pants.
I groan. I can't remember talking to my best friend, but I know what my archenemy was wearing. Just great.
"We were all a bit frightened when he suddenly came out, but he behaved very well. In fact, you talked a lot about Ancient Egypt, as far as your memories would let you. He was quite interested, I might say. He had this book with him and you were pointing out how your palace might have looked like during your reign. He was talking about building a RPG board or something."
I shiver, still feeling cold, and I don't know whether it's from my Dark Magician's kiss of from Yami no Bakura's manipulative manners. Building a RPG board?
"Are you alright?"
"I'm...I'm fine."
"Is Bakura still here?"I ask, after a moment of silence.
"He already left," Yugi says. "Ryou's father is coming home for Christmas and Bakura said something about cleaning up the house and such. It's so good to see them getting along, though I doubt they will ever share the same bond we do."
I blush and Yugi starts laughing. "What are you thinking, Pharaoh?"
My Dark Magician who embraces me and kisses me. A cool touch that burned me on the inside...
"Where is my deck?" I'm proud that my voice doesn't waver. I can't keep this up much longer.
"On the desk," Yugi points towards the piece of furniture. I turn around, thankful for the opportunity, and flip through the deck- nothing is amiss, Dark Magician on top. I stroke the card with my thumb. Nothing happens.
Yugi comes to stand next to me, and smiles when he sees the card. "Dark Magician," he says. "Your favorite."
"Yes," I answer.
"Merry Christmas," he says and suddenly pecks me on the cheek.
"M-Merry Christmas," I return the wish.
"Come downstairs with me. The party isn't over."
I touch my cheek. It still feels numb, except for the spot Yugi just touched with his lips. Warm. Warmth. Life.
"I- I'm coming."
This time, Yugi extends his hand while looking intently at me. I accept his hand and feel him squeezing my fingers, as if he wants to reassure me that he's really here. A strong, firm touch, with the same blind trust as he's always shown me; and I suddenly feel guilty. His touch isn't the same as my Dark Magician's, and my Dark Magician isn't the same as Yugi. I feel guilty because I know who I would choose if I was forced to choose, even if that meant I was going to break the heart of someone who had done so much for me already.
It was not for nothing that I suggested calling me Yami- "dark". Dark Magician. Dark Pharaoh.
Before we leave the room, I throw a look over my shoulder.
The room is empty.
Christmas morning, 01.00 P.M.